how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
