So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
