i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
