hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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