I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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