your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i will never coherently bang her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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