Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
