I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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