don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
