Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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