worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
