I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
