The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
