First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
