It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
