I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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