oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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