I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
