You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
