he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
