'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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