She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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