I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my fart just growled at me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
