Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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