So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
