I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
