I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
