I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
