dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
