That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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