Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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