Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
