do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
