So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
