Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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