just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
