I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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