This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
