in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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