ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
