the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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