There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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