My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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