My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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