I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
