Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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