Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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