You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
