I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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