new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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