sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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