the day after is always just damage control
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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