AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
