Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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