I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
