dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
