woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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