no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
