Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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