Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
