Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
