so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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