Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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