After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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