i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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