matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
