do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
