the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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