Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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