I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
